He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
