you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
