I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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