I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
