If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize
