why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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