vagina is talking i cant
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
