dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
