He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
This baby is an asshole
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
