when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
i think my cat just said my name.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
