We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
We got so high we made milksteak
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
