Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
