My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
His nipple licking is glorious
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