I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
