Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
