God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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