Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
