I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
