he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
