Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I met the friendliest cop last night
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
