Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
