those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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