i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You need Xanax blowdarts
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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