you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
