Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
