my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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