i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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