she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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