lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
