Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
