you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
