A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
