The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
