you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
