I just cut my nipple shaving
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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