if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
