just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
