if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
