I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
