why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
