If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
