The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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