So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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