Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
