Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
