i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
