Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
