Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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