My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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