My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
